let me hear,

so i fear, so i do.
and of course i cry, i am weak.
I KNOW THAT I'd DIE!

sometimes i feel that i know you
sometimes i feel that i dunno you.
im spinning...
round and round.

Matthew 25:11,12
11"Later the others also came. 'Sir! Sir!' they said. 'Open the door for us!'
12"But he replied, 'I tell you the truth, I don't know you.'

when it comes the time, that You'll deny me...

seriously, i am unable to express how i feel in this blog post.
why do i feel so empty inside?
why am i so ashamed of myself?

all my time devoted to pursuing worldy loves, desires and namesake,
i've strayed, distracted.
deaf to all beckoning, calling. what have i done?
i know its not too late, but am i doing anything?

will i feel like this not soon after?
im afraid... im guilty... crying...

i keep telling myself to focus, discpline myself to excel in rowing and academics...
a jolt,
and...
i want to Love God.
i need to wake up.

and i need to forsake everything else.
let me hear,