this christmas was great. and to bring things up to another level, it was actually the first time spending christmas in HOGC.
5 months in Heart of God Church already.
this 5 months were really the best i had in my christian life.
this 5 months were the best period i had experienced the Love and Glory of God's presence.
the Lord has placed my in HOGC and pathed the way for me,
and i see it.
never have i seen such passion and fire for God.
i am proud to be here,
here in the Heart of God.
Christmas was great. awesome.
and every year, we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ.
many a times we rejoice and make ourselves happy on this special day.
for many many years, christmas has just been a day of routine celebration for us.
gifts exchange, caroles.
but have we in fact measured how it could have been like for Jesus?
and He, knowing since the day he was born, was to die on the cross for all of us.
to sacrifice Himself so tragically on the cross, like a lamb.
should He see his birthday as some sort of a celebration?
God's love for us is so, so strong.
so unconditional...
and as i type this, i feel so guilty. so broken...
as i imagined the scene,
Jesus carrying the weight of the cross up the hill,
but it wasnt the weight of the cross which was hurting Him.
it is the immense weight of our sins on His shoulders.
and He was so willing to bear it for us.
He was yet human. not having God-like strength to bear that load.
nobody. at all could have done that, without the Love that Jesus had for us.
that was not all,
Him, climbing up the hill and falling 3 times over.
and as He looked up and saw around Him,
people He so loved,
the reason why He was going through all that...
and yet they were spitting on Him!
they were despising Him!
scorning and laughing!
and i choked...
how could we be so, so
disgusting?
and i question my worth,
do a single bit did i deserve any tinge of His Love.
and tears welled up in my eyes.
no, not at all.
what was going through the mind of human Jesus when He was nailed to the cross?
experiencing excruciating pain for people who didnt even appreciate what He was going through at all....
and He'd seen it all from the day He was borned.
Christmas huh.
and the only reason why christmas existed was the day He had to die on the cross.
why should we feel so happy?
why should we be celebrating?
do we know at all, why we celebrate and exchange gifts on christmas?
no, we are not celebrating christmas because it is Jesus' birthday.
but we rejoice and give thanks to God every year because He has given us the most precious and most important and invaluable gift of our entire existence.
He gave us something we so do not deserve, and in fact we deserved death.
and this present, so precious,
we have this joy in our hearts.
this joy and comfort in God's Everlasting Love.
that is why we celebrate Christmas.
we celebrate the Love of God.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Majesty
Thousands and Thousands have come
and tell of the wonders He've done.
how can anyone doubt the God of Love we have?
oh, and Heaven is singing tonight=)
and tell of the wonders He've done.
how can anyone doubt the God of Love we have?
oh, and Heaven is singing tonight=)
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
awaken.
how often we find ourselves subconciously drifted away from Him?
from the path God had in plan for us.
and how often we find ourselves different, ungodly, and unclean?
so much so that we disgust ourselves.
yet, a part of us wants to live comfortably in that sinful ways.
life without God is so luring.
so dangerous.
the longer we live this kind of lives,
the more dead we are to the word of God.
yet, by the grace of God,
He always provides a way back.
i must admit i backslide alot.
i live a rollercoaster life.
and alot of christians do too.
i do go to church every week,
and i really do feel the presence of God in church.
but once i leave the house of God,
the lure of satan is so strong...
it seemed fine to live my life like that.
it seemed alright and even comfortable to get on with my daily works, without Him.
that left me so vulnerable to sin,
but i didnt know it.
life just kept me busy.
unknowingly i have pushed God out of my mind, and out of my heart.
I've always wonder why i am so prone to sin.
it is because ive failed to maintain my relationship with God.
ive failed to put God in control of my life.
i needed to wake up.
because a life so comfortable i lived in, without God.
without His direction, is so dangerous.
its wrong.
i am left outside,
exposed to the tides of this world.
to the arrows and storms.
i always thought that all these troubles that comes my way belongs to that of the evil one.
and it was he who is trying to tear me down.
but no,
God sent these waves.
God sent these storms.
He did that to wake me up,
to jolt me up.
so that i may know how far i have already drifted away from Him.
and its because He loves me.
so unconditionally,
so mercifully.
and He so willing to die for my sins
so that i can be forgiven and return back into His embrace.
thank you oh God.
oh You are just so beautiful...
God sent me a storm that racked up my life.
but He left my soul intact.
not just,
He sent jieru to speak to me and
He showed me to a blog.
belonging to a sec 2 boy.
and the blog posts revealed what maturity and sprituality far beyond his age.
and how ashamed they left me.
yet so inspiring and powerful,
all by God's plan.
Gavin is his name.
but i see pass the blog posts.
pass the words he used,
i see a star shinning for Jesus.
i see a heart so burning for God.
and i am proud of him. i am envious of him.
with such great aspirations.
and such burning desires for God.
you will find great favour in God.
and you will grow to become a real Man.
now,
you dream big and you will achieve.
as long as you put your faith in Christ Jesus.
and you walk your path next to Him.
renew your soul everyday with prayer and the Word of God.
and you will live the destiny He planned for you.
from the path God had in plan for us.
and how often we find ourselves different, ungodly, and unclean?
so much so that we disgust ourselves.
yet, a part of us wants to live comfortably in that sinful ways.
life without God is so luring.
so dangerous.
the longer we live this kind of lives,
the more dead we are to the word of God.
yet, by the grace of God,
He always provides a way back.
i must admit i backslide alot.
i live a rollercoaster life.
and alot of christians do too.
i do go to church every week,
and i really do feel the presence of God in church.
but once i leave the house of God,
the lure of satan is so strong...
it seemed fine to live my life like that.
it seemed alright and even comfortable to get on with my daily works, without Him.
that left me so vulnerable to sin,
but i didnt know it.
life just kept me busy.
unknowingly i have pushed God out of my mind, and out of my heart.
I've always wonder why i am so prone to sin.
it is because ive failed to maintain my relationship with God.
ive failed to put God in control of my life.
i needed to wake up.
because a life so comfortable i lived in, without God.
without His direction, is so dangerous.
its wrong.
i am left outside,
exposed to the tides of this world.
to the arrows and storms.
i always thought that all these troubles that comes my way belongs to that of the evil one.
and it was he who is trying to tear me down.
but no,
God sent these waves.
God sent these storms.
He did that to wake me up,
to jolt me up.
so that i may know how far i have already drifted away from Him.
and its because He loves me.
so unconditionally,
so mercifully.
and He so willing to die for my sins
so that i can be forgiven and return back into His embrace.
thank you oh God.
oh You are just so beautiful...
God sent me a storm that racked up my life.
but He left my soul intact.
not just,
He sent jieru to speak to me and
He showed me to a blog.
belonging to a sec 2 boy.
and the blog posts revealed what maturity and sprituality far beyond his age.
and how ashamed they left me.
yet so inspiring and powerful,
all by God's plan.
Gavin is his name.
but i see pass the blog posts.
pass the words he used,
i see a star shinning for Jesus.
i see a heart so burning for God.
and i am proud of him. i am envious of him.
with such great aspirations.
and such burning desires for God.
you will find great favour in God.
and you will grow to become a real Man.
now,
you dream big and you will achieve.
as long as you put your faith in Christ Jesus.
and you walk your path next to Him.
renew your soul everyday with prayer and the Word of God.
and you will live the destiny He planned for you.
Monday, December 22, 2008
appreciated?
and again i scream into my own ears.
this time louder than the one before
yet, the impact wasnt that as hard.
looks like i was getting immuned.
i know i must not be normal.
just the average and just what everyone else do.
i know i play the angel. the super friend. the nice guy.
whatever you call me.
im not supposed to make enemies.
not supposed to hate, to judge.
i have to love everyone and befriend anyone.
even the outcasted, even the hated.
and im not supposed to make mistakes.
because every single one, every minute one.
weighs a crushing tonne on my shoulders.
and should i break a single twig,
the whole crowd will not hesitate to express their contempt.
shake their heads in disapproval
and judge me.
because i am super good guy.
bacause i cannot fall.
cannot do wrong.
they say they are disappointed in me.
each step i take,
so careful, so defined.
i walk the thread and live in fear of slipping.
what is expected of me.
because i am the super nice friend.
now, it sounds so tough to be me eh.
but yet i feel a joy in my heart.
because i live a life, seeing the sliver lining in every cloud.
and i ignore the dark looming sides of them.
because i know what i do is right.
because i know He'll be proud of me.
and i cannot just be like anyone.
i cannot just do things that others do.
it is sort of an inbuilt in me
to be nice.
many a times i see people judge others.
but i cannot judge even those who judge others.
people ask me why i do this.
because i am born to be like this.
hard it is.
it is....
and now i slipped.
i fell.
my legs got tired and weakened.
i tried to stand. to maintain my balance...
but i fall yet again.
and the second time?
i just let myself fall.
it just feels so relieving.
not bounded anymore by this burden to be a superman.
i know the fall will not be a light one.
and yes, it was hard. so hard.
and i lay on the floor, so painful.
oh, i am bleeding.
but no one will see this.
they see me as a superman.
ever the super nice guy.
how could he ever be hurt?
he will climb back up again, like always.
and i stare up into the sky.
i see the thread i used to balance on all my life.
there were good times and bad times.
happy times, disappointing times and sad times.
were all of it worthed?
did it really pleased Him?
i know i could climb back up again if i wanted.
i did it before and no doubt i could do it again.
revert back everything if i wanted to.
i really could.
but now, i hesitate.
do i really want it?
this time louder than the one before
yet, the impact wasnt that as hard.
looks like i was getting immuned.
i know i must not be normal.
just the average and just what everyone else do.
i know i play the angel. the super friend. the nice guy.
whatever you call me.
im not supposed to make enemies.
not supposed to hate, to judge.
i have to love everyone and befriend anyone.
even the outcasted, even the hated.
and im not supposed to make mistakes.
because every single one, every minute one.
weighs a crushing tonne on my shoulders.
and should i break a single twig,
the whole crowd will not hesitate to express their contempt.
shake their heads in disapproval
and judge me.
because i am super good guy.
bacause i cannot fall.
cannot do wrong.
they say they are disappointed in me.
each step i take,
so careful, so defined.
i walk the thread and live in fear of slipping.
what is expected of me.
because i am the super nice friend.
now, it sounds so tough to be me eh.
but yet i feel a joy in my heart.
because i live a life, seeing the sliver lining in every cloud.
and i ignore the dark looming sides of them.
because i know what i do is right.
because i know He'll be proud of me.
and i cannot just be like anyone.
i cannot just do things that others do.
it is sort of an inbuilt in me
to be nice.
many a times i see people judge others.
but i cannot judge even those who judge others.
people ask me why i do this.
because i am born to be like this.
hard it is.
it is....
and now i slipped.
i fell.
my legs got tired and weakened.
i tried to stand. to maintain my balance...
but i fall yet again.
and the second time?
i just let myself fall.
it just feels so relieving.
not bounded anymore by this burden to be a superman.
i know the fall will not be a light one.
and yes, it was hard. so hard.
and i lay on the floor, so painful.
oh, i am bleeding.
but no one will see this.
they see me as a superman.
ever the super nice guy.
how could he ever be hurt?
he will climb back up again, like always.
and i stare up into the sky.
i see the thread i used to balance on all my life.
there were good times and bad times.
happy times, disappointing times and sad times.
were all of it worthed?
did it really pleased Him?
i know i could climb back up again if i wanted.
i did it before and no doubt i could do it again.
revert back everything if i wanted to.
i really could.
but now, i hesitate.
do i really want it?
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
left outside alone
All my life I've been waiting
For you to bring a fairy tale my way
Believing in a fantasy widthout meaning
It's not okay I don't feel safe
Left broken empty in despair
Wanna breath can't find air
Thought you were sent from up above
But you and me never had love
So much more I have to say
Help me find a way
And I wonder if you know
How it really feels
To be left outside alone
When it's cold out here
Well maybe you should know
Just how it feels
To be left outside alone
To be left outside alone
I'll tell you
All my life I've been waiting
For you to bring a fairytale my way
Believing in a fantasy widthout meaning
It's not okay I don't feel safe
I need to pray
Why do you play me like a game?
Always someone else to blame
Careless, helpless little man
Someday you might understand
There's not much more to say
But I hope you find a way
Still I wonder if you know
How it really feels
To be left outside alone
When it's cold out here
Well maybe you should know
Just how it feels
To be left outside alone
To be left outside alone
I'll tell you
All my life I've been waiting
For you to bring a fairytale my way
Believing in a fantasy widthout meaning
It's not okay I don't feel safe
I need to pray
Heavenly father please save me.
And I wonder if you know
How it really feels
To be left outside alone
When it's cold out here
Well maybe you should know
Just how it feels
To be left outside alone
To be left outside alone
All my life I've been waiting
For you to bring a fairytale my way
Believing in a fantasy widthout meaning
It's not okay I don't feel safe
I need to pray
For you to bring a fairy tale my way
Believing in a fantasy widthout meaning
It's not okay I don't feel safe
Left broken empty in despair
Wanna breath can't find air
Thought you were sent from up above
But you and me never had love
So much more I have to say
Help me find a way
And I wonder if you know
How it really feels
To be left outside alone
When it's cold out here
Well maybe you should know
Just how it feels
To be left outside alone
To be left outside alone
I'll tell you
All my life I've been waiting
For you to bring a fairytale my way
Believing in a fantasy widthout meaning
It's not okay I don't feel safe
I need to pray
Why do you play me like a game?
Always someone else to blame
Careless, helpless little man
Someday you might understand
There's not much more to say
But I hope you find a way
Still I wonder if you know
How it really feels
To be left outside alone
When it's cold out here
Well maybe you should know
Just how it feels
To be left outside alone
To be left outside alone
I'll tell you
All my life I've been waiting
For you to bring a fairytale my way
Believing in a fantasy widthout meaning
It's not okay I don't feel safe
I need to pray
Heavenly father please save me.
And I wonder if you know
How it really feels
To be left outside alone
When it's cold out here
Well maybe you should know
Just how it feels
To be left outside alone
To be left outside alone
All my life I've been waiting
For you to bring a fairytale my way
Believing in a fantasy widthout meaning
It's not okay I don't feel safe
I need to pray
please come home, baby.
note:that whistle note around 0:53 does not belong to Mariah, but to someone called Debelah Morgan. Mariah's whistle is far better haha.
Saturday, December 06, 2008
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