Saturday, October 11, 2008
Sunday, October 05, 2008
This is my wish
to all that have been through everything with me, my jc life.
thank God for all of you.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Light On. David Cook
Finally! The highly anticipated and long awaited Single from David Cook, American Idol Season 7 Winner! This is months after the release of D.Archuleta's release of his first single, Crush. YAY!
Light On is produced by produced by Grammy winning producer Rob Cavallo.
It is said that he will release his album on 18 Nov. isnt that... right after A lvls?o.0 hahhahmmmm http://www.zshare.net/audio/1929251614212219/
And i must say this is sooo his style haha. its good really.
LIGHT ON
Never really said too much
Afraid it wouldn't be enough
Just try to keep my spirits up
When there's no point in grieving
Doesn't matter anyway
Words could never make me stay
Words will never take my place
When you know I'm leaving
__________
Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Something I rely on to get home
One I can feel at night
A nake light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it's late at night you can look inside
You won't feel so alone
__________
You know we've been down that road
What seems a thousand times before
My back to a closing door and my eyes to the seasons
That roll out underneath my heels
And you don't know how bad it feels
To leave the only one that I have ever believed in
__________
Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Something I rely on to get home
One I can feel at night
A nake light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it's late at night you can look inside
You won't feel so alone
__________
Sometimes it feels like we've run out of luck
When the signal keeps on breaking up
When the wires cross in my brain
You'll start my heart again
When I come along
__________
Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Something I rely on to get home
One I can feel at night
A nake light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it's late at night you can look inside
You won't feel so alone
Just A Dream. Carrie Underwood
It was two weeks after the day she turned 18
all dressed in white, going to the church that night
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat,
six pence in her shoe
something borrowed something new
and when the church doors opened up wide she put her veil down trying to hide the tears oh
she just couldn’t believe it
she heard the trumpets from the military band and the flowers fell out of her hands
Chorus
Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I cant even breathe
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
lord please lift his soul and heal this hurt
then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard
then they handed her a folded up flag and
she held on to all she had left of him oh and what could’ve been
and then guns rang one last shot and it felt like a bullet in her heart
Chorus
Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
Ohh i'll never know
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Oh this is just a dream
just a dream, ya
all dressed in white, going to the church that night
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat,
six pence in her shoe
something borrowed something new
and when the church doors opened up wide she put her veil down trying to hide the tears oh
she just couldn’t believe it
she heard the trumpets from the military band and the flowers fell out of her hands
Chorus
Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I cant even breathe
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
lord please lift his soul and heal this hurt
then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard
then they handed her a folded up flag and
she held on to all she had left of him oh and what could’ve been
and then guns rang one last shot and it felt like a bullet in her heart
Chorus
Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
Ohh i'll never know
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Oh this is just a dream
just a dream, ya
Saturday, September 27, 2008
the sea is a healer
The sea is a healer.
It washes away my footsteps. Washes away my past.
As i stare into the black waters. Music. The gushing of the waves against my feet.
The ever crumpling soft sand felt the intrusion of my weight.
So conforming. Just like me.
Yet the current keeps coming. And moulds it back to shape. Somehow, the chilling night sea breeze. Felt the pores on my skin. Unravels the true me.
The air reaches deep behind that face.
Behind these eyes within. And gently reaches into the vulnerable me.
Suddenly it seems so easy to breathe...
I'm not suffocating anymore.
My feet played the mysterious soil below and danced lightly. So beautiful, the sinking feeling. It just melts my soul, this beautiful creation and interweaving of all peace.
Beyond the end waves lies blindly black water. Yet this time, black is not ugly anymore.
So addictive, so appealing and inviting. Take another step forward.
My shorts are wet now. But something in me tells me it doesn't matter anymore. I want to go deeper. Into freedom.
Not enslaved by the needs of this world and the likes of the future. This is sin.
Another step forward.
Now the water feels warmer. And it gets darker. Soothing tunes melt into my soul. So enchanting so tempting.
Unintended peace planted in my heart. I sniffed in. Closed my eyes. Took an unsteady step forward.
No.
A shiver came down. Like sent from heaven. It jolted me awake. But i wanted to sleep into this lovely waters.
It got colder again. And my eyes felt dry now, not moist like before. I'm part of this.
This lovely dark scene.
Its my possession now. Mine.
And i belong here. Not anywhere else. Not that ugly filthy place.
I stared down the dim vast plain, stretching across and stars. There. Out there.
Could i fly there and kiss the angels?
My existence is not restrained by years now. I'll be here for eternity. Unafraid finally. I can wander like the breeze i so envied.
No. No! Suddenly i gravitate back here. Visions of heaven morphed into voidness.
I'm in this chamber of foolish dreams.
In this pursuit of noth.
I peered down my own feel. Why? Why is it that while i so yearn to belong out there, the waves seems to try time and time again to climb to earth. Forcefully trying to reach higher.
How foolish, i said. And i walked away.
An urgent human need to use the restroom.
And as i walked back, i see this beautiful scene.
This young girl and her mother dancing together. Glowing slightly under the moonlight. They were blowing bubbles.
And as i stand in the direction of the wind, metres away from this exquisite form of painting, the wind throws the hundred of bubbles into a ballad.
Glittering in rainbows, swirling as the moving air, into me. All around me, racing each other in this performance. For me.
Just for me.
Its gorgeous. Beyond word description. And the bubbles. Jewels of air kept flowing.
Pretty. Phenomenal.
So this is why even the waters wanted here. Just to see this angelic pretty little lifeform and her blessed art of heaven.
It washes away my footsteps. Washes away my past.
As i stare into the black waters. Music. The gushing of the waves against my feet.
The ever crumpling soft sand felt the intrusion of my weight.
So conforming. Just like me.
Yet the current keeps coming. And moulds it back to shape. Somehow, the chilling night sea breeze. Felt the pores on my skin. Unravels the true me.
The air reaches deep behind that face.
Behind these eyes within. And gently reaches into the vulnerable me.
Suddenly it seems so easy to breathe...
I'm not suffocating anymore.
My feet played the mysterious soil below and danced lightly. So beautiful, the sinking feeling. It just melts my soul, this beautiful creation and interweaving of all peace.
Beyond the end waves lies blindly black water. Yet this time, black is not ugly anymore.
So addictive, so appealing and inviting. Take another step forward.
My shorts are wet now. But something in me tells me it doesn't matter anymore. I want to go deeper. Into freedom.
Not enslaved by the needs of this world and the likes of the future. This is sin.
Another step forward.
Now the water feels warmer. And it gets darker. Soothing tunes melt into my soul. So enchanting so tempting.
Unintended peace planted in my heart. I sniffed in. Closed my eyes. Took an unsteady step forward.
No.
A shiver came down. Like sent from heaven. It jolted me awake. But i wanted to sleep into this lovely waters.
It got colder again. And my eyes felt dry now, not moist like before. I'm part of this.
This lovely dark scene.
Its my possession now. Mine.
And i belong here. Not anywhere else. Not that ugly filthy place.
I stared down the dim vast plain, stretching across and stars. There. Out there.
Could i fly there and kiss the angels?
My existence is not restrained by years now. I'll be here for eternity. Unafraid finally. I can wander like the breeze i so envied.
No. No! Suddenly i gravitate back here. Visions of heaven morphed into voidness.
I'm in this chamber of foolish dreams.
In this pursuit of noth.
I peered down my own feel. Why? Why is it that while i so yearn to belong out there, the waves seems to try time and time again to climb to earth. Forcefully trying to reach higher.
How foolish, i said. And i walked away.
An urgent human need to use the restroom.
And as i walked back, i see this beautiful scene.
This young girl and her mother dancing together. Glowing slightly under the moonlight. They were blowing bubbles.
And as i stand in the direction of the wind, metres away from this exquisite form of painting, the wind throws the hundred of bubbles into a ballad.
Glittering in rainbows, swirling as the moving air, into me. All around me, racing each other in this performance. For me.
Just for me.
Its gorgeous. Beyond word description. And the bubbles. Jewels of air kept flowing.
Pretty. Phenomenal.
So this is why even the waters wanted here. Just to see this angelic pretty little lifeform and her blessed art of heaven.
the drossy audiophile
say. my ears hurt from vociferous shit-like noise cranking from some mass-produced shabby nokia earphones.
my pampered drums scream with indignant and cry in protest.
i am getting abrasions from cents-worth ear buds.
i'd rather not listen to the so-called music these replacements actually produced.
its noise. its downright, blatant hissing.
ok, its not all that bad. i just needed to rant.
should i thrift again?
im eyeing that Sennheiser PX-100 or Koss Porta Pro.
or some iems? crossroads are popular. and vaunted for their highly acclaimed sound quality. yet lost again half their score with cheap built. damn.
70 bucks to 85 bucks.
save save save.
my pampered drums scream with indignant and cry in protest.
i am getting abrasions from cents-worth ear buds.
i'd rather not listen to the so-called music these replacements actually produced.
its noise. its downright, blatant hissing.
ok, its not all that bad. i just needed to rant.
should i thrift again?
im eyeing that Sennheiser PX-100 or Koss Porta Pro.
or some iems? crossroads are popular. and vaunted for their highly acclaimed sound quality. yet lost again half their score with cheap built. damn.
70 bucks to 85 bucks.
save save save.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Through the waves.
Nothing's going right now.
Everything is just wrong, or not good enough.
Its a bad week. A bad interval.
I need You to put things right.
I want to place it all in Your arms.
You take them all away.
Sounds too good to be true eh?
Sometimes i doubt it too.
But i can never doubt His unfailing love.
It is too good to be true.
And i know, nothing can go too wrong for Him to make right.
Please Lord. And i pray too for peifen, cheryl and those in this tide too. Be with us and uphold us in this time of our need.
Carry us in your loving arms and sail us through the storm.
I pray with desperation, love, hope and faith.
Everything is just wrong, or not good enough.
Its a bad week. A bad interval.
I need You to put things right.
I want to place it all in Your arms.
You take them all away.
Sounds too good to be true eh?
Sometimes i doubt it too.
But i can never doubt His unfailing love.
It is too good to be true.
And i know, nothing can go too wrong for Him to make right.
Please Lord. And i pray too for peifen, cheryl and those in this tide too. Be with us and uphold us in this time of our need.
Carry us in your loving arms and sail us through the storm.
I pray with desperation, love, hope and faith.
Monday, September 22, 2008
how is it like to have lost someone?
really?
if that someone, is someone you really really loved.
if that someone was not meant to be taken away from you.
if you'll never get to see him/her again?
and there is just so much, so many things left behind that remind you of her presence?
and you just cannot let go, not matter how hard you tried.
it burns a hole in your heart doesnt it.
it never heals would it?
nothing could ever mend it.
its burns and burns
sucks out all that's worth
cruelly and continuously stabs you.
until theres nothing left but nothing.
until you cannot feel yourself anymore.
because without her, there's nothing left.
because she was your everything.
the anesthetics kick in.
voidness floods your heart and soul.
tears dont fall anymore, and you blame yourself for it.
throat's totally dry and it would have felt weird to speak.
that stinging feeling in your eyes,
questions, thoughts,
doubts, denial,
your whole world has been sucked out completely.
leaving you an empty shell to end with.
if that someone, is someone you really really loved.
if that someone was not meant to be taken away from you.
if you'll never get to see him/her again?
and there is just so much, so many things left behind that remind you of her presence?
and you just cannot let go, not matter how hard you tried.
it burns a hole in your heart doesnt it.
it never heals would it?
nothing could ever mend it.
its burns and burns
sucks out all that's worth
cruelly and continuously stabs you.
until theres nothing left but nothing.
until you cannot feel yourself anymore.
because without her, there's nothing left.
because she was your everything.
the anesthetics kick in.
voidness floods your heart and soul.
tears dont fall anymore, and you blame yourself for it.
throat's totally dry and it would have felt weird to speak.
that stinging feeling in your eyes,
questions, thoughts,
doubts, denial,
your whole world has been sucked out completely.
leaving you an empty shell to end with.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
beyond earthly spirits.
well, amid all stress and frustration, worries and anguish.
i found true love.
now, dont get all excited and sparked.
its probably not what you think.
i guess its probably a year ago since then, but still.
i just found it. or probably, i just realised how precious was it.
that i was probably too blinded (by tears?) to really appreciate it.
like me, my sis is probably one emotional ship(wrecked?)
no she isnt. i probably am.
i never seen the inner her, or probably took that side of her too seriously till this fine day.
maybe ive peeked once or twice at her diary (oops), but i never did fully understood her thoughts, her feelings. her heart.
so small, so hidden.
yet so huge, so deep, so delicate.
even scary.
we both shared the same traits.
this phobia of expressing. of pouring. of tearing.
of sharing, of trusting.
like me, we both had no one else. but we had each other.
and we just didnt know it.
both lones. i know how she feels.
so suffocating.
so hurt.
yet somehow, we were born with our lips sewn.
yet again, blessed with these fingers.
we down our thoughts and feelings into writings.
so alike,
but i am luckier.
i experienced trust before.
a special person unlocked a lock in my heart.
left it open.
it was easier for me, revealing hints of sorrow sometimes outwardly.
yet for her.
a facade of happy-go-lucky, laughters.
whilst i know, behind that veil.
lies a broken soul. just like me.
and she loves me.
so much i didnt know till just.
hidden so rooted in her heart.
she hardly expressed it.
secrets. tears. she would so willingly spare for me.
we would share a vein.
when i bleed, she knows.
she feels it. she bleeds too.
her blog.
Sunday, August 19, 2007.
God willed, you shall find and read it.
a post. i read it once and i'll love her for a lifetime.
i would have sworn if i could.
this post will most likely mean little to you.
its between me and my sis.
it means a whole world to me.
when one day, when i know theres nothing on earth left for me to be, left to hold on to.
left to love. left to believe it.
i will always protect you, love you, cry with you.
i'll be your superman.
i found true love.
now, dont get all excited and sparked.
its probably not what you think.
i guess its probably a year ago since then, but still.
i just found it. or probably, i just realised how precious was it.
that i was probably too blinded (by tears?) to really appreciate it.
like me, my sis is probably one emotional ship(wrecked?)
no she isnt. i probably am.
i never seen the inner her, or probably took that side of her too seriously till this fine day.
maybe ive peeked once or twice at her diary (oops), but i never did fully understood her thoughts, her feelings. her heart.
so small, so hidden.
yet so huge, so deep, so delicate.
even scary.
we both shared the same traits.
this phobia of expressing. of pouring. of tearing.
of sharing, of trusting.
like me, we both had no one else. but we had each other.
and we just didnt know it.
both lones. i know how she feels.
so suffocating.
so hurt.
yet somehow, we were born with our lips sewn.
yet again, blessed with these fingers.
we down our thoughts and feelings into writings.
so alike,
but i am luckier.
i experienced trust before.
a special person unlocked a lock in my heart.
left it open.
it was easier for me, revealing hints of sorrow sometimes outwardly.
yet for her.
a facade of happy-go-lucky, laughters.
whilst i know, behind that veil.
lies a broken soul. just like me.
and she loves me.
so much i didnt know till just.
hidden so rooted in her heart.
she hardly expressed it.
secrets. tears. she would so willingly spare for me.
we would share a vein.
when i bleed, she knows.
she feels it. she bleeds too.
her blog.
Sunday, August 19, 2007.
God willed, you shall find and read it.
a post. i read it once and i'll love her for a lifetime.
i would have sworn if i could.
this post will most likely mean little to you.
its between me and my sis.
it means a whole world to me.
when one day, when i know theres nothing on earth left for me to be, left to hold on to.
left to love. left to believe it.
i will always protect you, love you, cry with you.
i'll be your superman.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Maybe something could happen that can never unhappen.
That scares you, doesn't it?
But you need to think about now.
Really take it in!
Look at you: you think you've got it so damn hard.
Well, you hate being alone, so let people in!
Sure, you may not answer the phone,
but I don't see you throwing it away, either!
--Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
That scares you, doesn't it?
But you need to think about now.
Really take it in!
Look at you: you think you've got it so damn hard.
Well, you hate being alone, so let people in!
Sure, you may not answer the phone,
but I don't see you throwing it away, either!
--Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Monday, September 01, 2008
comfort food
Jesus is all this poor world needs today;
Blindly they strive, for sin darkens their way.
O to draw back the grim curtains of night
—One glimpse of Jesus and all will be bright! —
Loes© Renewal 1943
Blindly they strive, for sin darkens their way.
O to draw back the grim curtains of night
—One glimpse of Jesus and all will be bright! —
Loes© Renewal 1943
Monday, August 18, 2008
snakes and ladders
i really want to pen down those powerful messages that ive been receiving from the FOP, Pastor How. Powerful i must say, truely touched my soul and even enlightening. i learnt, but have i grown?
1:48am in the wee. and i still have school tmr (sigh). counting down 72? days to a levels. i really should be studying... or at the least away in dreamland! but... i had this sudden urge to blog...
about? i dunno. i guess i just type as my heart/mind (or maybe fingers) take me.
i must admit i might as well have been wasting time away. especially weekends. when there isnt this burning urge to ground my mind back into the books. now when training have ceased and i feel that i have more time in my hands (which isnt true). lack of discipline. take for ytd, a 3 hour paper in the morning is indeed a good start, if not for a 2 hour nap in the afternoon which totally ruined everything. then i decided to study. well, i did a rather inefficient correction of the whole maths paper 1 again when my body started iching me for a run. right, i skip the details but yeah. a whole day, with only a paper completed. darn.
sunday was worst. dont ask.
i needa study. harder. well, i'll get a copy of yanyu's timetable tmr and finally (i hope), a strict academic regimen. foooccusssss....
okok ive digressed from my heartfelt desire to blog. about my personal walk with God.
2am already. yeah this is the time when everything peaced out and darkness and the still life sets in. suddenly the heart beats sounds ever prominent than ever eh? o the whispers.
thoughts and reflections pours in now. and i feel more uneasy than ever, how could i explain this feeling?
when i stare into the darkness outside my open window, its like... the darkness is creeping closer. engaging me, integrating me. the night chilling breeze on my skin. adsorbing the creepiness of the shiverish.
how could anyone see the weight of my heart inside? this load im carrying, burdened down and heavy.... bringing me lower...
i know He sees it, He feels it... and He wants to bear it for me.
here i am with a bleeding heart.
a confused, sin-riddened, wounded soul,
His love so amazing divine.
yet something is pulling me back when i reach out to Him...
something telling me
reminding me of my past.
my past.
"how ugly"
"how dirty"
"disgusting"
abhoring....
and i cry because i know.
how Glorified and Almighty He is.
is forgiving this hurted soul.
suffered the malevolence of his own.
but i will always be so unworthy.
and always scorn upon by myself
everytime i fall.
because it's everytime.
it happens everytime.
and i keep losing.
and i cry to You o Lord of love...
to depart from me.
because i keep hurting me,
You.
because i am beyond any hope.
because i cant be loved.
i love you...
my spirit do.
vulnerable.
nothing but bringing shame to you.
ironically today's message was about self leadership.
self controlling emotions.
i have overwhelming emotions.
how could i ignore all these
because of the Cross?
because of His Blood
can i not feel this way?
treasure your salvation my brothers and sisters.
does it come easy to you?
could you even feel the excruciating pain Jesus went through to nail Himself on the Cross?
to be disowned... and spat upon! by people he was trying to save...
by his loved ones...
the painful hurting thoughts that ran through his mind...
he was man.
he bled. he was whipped. he was speared!
but those did not hurt him more than the sins he was bearing for all of us....
those did not hurt him more than the anguish when he saw his people, his loved ones hating him...
when i sinned.
but i know. that he had joy in his heart.
for he knew he loved us. and he knew God loves him.
where am i?
i seek your face but i looked away.
i loved your love but
i deny myself your love.
guide me Abba Father.
teach me and lead me.
love me and forgive me.
save me and protect me.
be patient with me daddy.
i will glorify your name one day.
when with you, i finally overcome.
amen.
1:48am in the wee. and i still have school tmr (sigh). counting down 72? days to a levels. i really should be studying... or at the least away in dreamland! but... i had this sudden urge to blog...
about? i dunno. i guess i just type as my heart/mind (or maybe fingers) take me.
i must admit i might as well have been wasting time away. especially weekends. when there isnt this burning urge to ground my mind back into the books. now when training have ceased and i feel that i have more time in my hands (which isnt true). lack of discipline. take for ytd, a 3 hour paper in the morning is indeed a good start, if not for a 2 hour nap in the afternoon which totally ruined everything. then i decided to study. well, i did a rather inefficient correction of the whole maths paper 1 again when my body started iching me for a run. right, i skip the details but yeah. a whole day, with only a paper completed. darn.
sunday was worst. dont ask.
i needa study. harder. well, i'll get a copy of yanyu's timetable tmr and finally (i hope), a strict academic regimen. foooccusssss....
okok ive digressed from my heartfelt desire to blog. about my personal walk with God.
2am already. yeah this is the time when everything peaced out and darkness and the still life sets in. suddenly the heart beats sounds ever prominent than ever eh? o the whispers.
thoughts and reflections pours in now. and i feel more uneasy than ever, how could i explain this feeling?
when i stare into the darkness outside my open window, its like... the darkness is creeping closer. engaging me, integrating me. the night chilling breeze on my skin. adsorbing the creepiness of the shiverish.
how could anyone see the weight of my heart inside? this load im carrying, burdened down and heavy.... bringing me lower...
i know He sees it, He feels it... and He wants to bear it for me.
here i am with a bleeding heart.
a confused, sin-riddened, wounded soul,
His love so amazing divine.
yet something is pulling me back when i reach out to Him...
something telling me
reminding me of my past.
my past.
"how ugly"
"how dirty"
"disgusting"
abhoring....
and i cry because i know.
how Glorified and Almighty He is.
is forgiving this hurted soul.
suffered the malevolence of his own.
but i will always be so unworthy.
and always scorn upon by myself
everytime i fall.
because it's everytime.
it happens everytime.
and i keep losing.
and i cry to You o Lord of love...
to depart from me.
because i keep hurting me,
You.
because i am beyond any hope.
because i cant be loved.
i love you...
my spirit do.
vulnerable.
nothing but bringing shame to you.
ironically today's message was about self leadership.
self controlling emotions.
i have overwhelming emotions.
how could i ignore all these
because of the Cross?
because of His Blood
can i not feel this way?
treasure your salvation my brothers and sisters.
does it come easy to you?
could you even feel the excruciating pain Jesus went through to nail Himself on the Cross?
to be disowned... and spat upon! by people he was trying to save...
by his loved ones...
the painful hurting thoughts that ran through his mind...
he was man.
he bled. he was whipped. he was speared!
but those did not hurt him more than the sins he was bearing for all of us....
those did not hurt him more than the anguish when he saw his people, his loved ones hating him...
when i sinned.
but i know. that he had joy in his heart.
for he knew he loved us. and he knew God loves him.
where am i?
i seek your face but i looked away.
i loved your love but
i deny myself your love.
guide me Abba Father.
teach me and lead me.
love me and forgive me.
save me and protect me.
be patient with me daddy.
i will glorify your name one day.
when with you, i finally overcome.
amen.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Saturday, August 09, 2008
love flame
i know i just feel so helpless...
i know that i have nothing else, but God.
i know that i am filled, even though i only have Him.
because He is everything.
but, sometimes...
i cry.
i have the ultimate Savior.
the ultimate Lover...
but i still cry.
about things, i cannot speak about...
or at least,
i want to but i cannot.
because people are judgmental.
of all these, only 3 will remain.
hope, faith, love.
and the greatest of these is Love.
who can i talk to about...
so what if
im so stuffed and bleeding inside...
and so scared.
im shivering in the cold,
drenched in the rain
inside me...
theres this candle i hold..
gripped tightly between my fingers.
undaunted by the wind and rain...
keeping me warm.
i pray to this flame, to keep me safe.
that everything will be alright soon.
that all these pain im suffering... is just temporary.
the flame let me cry on it...
scream my heart out on it...
find comfort in it.
keep me warm.
but
but...
the flame has other plans....
its not taking away my pain... torture
anguish.
i find priority in my life,
A levels.
to take my eyes of the pain.
to know that this exam is more important...
even as im writing this,
there is so much i want to say.
and things that are taking place even now...
that bring the tears that's whelming up in my eyes.
and i down into loud asounding tunes
so i wont hear them.
lest i cannot control myself anymore....
yet i try to share my sorrows on this blog.
but with myself.
and yet there's so much i cannot say....
and i can only pray.
O for a love that knows no end,A love that is strong and pure,Reaching afar to both foe and friend,So deep it will always endure. —R. De Haan
Love enables us to walk fearlessly, to run confidently, and to live victoriously.
i know that i have nothing else, but God.
i know that i am filled, even though i only have Him.
because He is everything.
but, sometimes...
i cry.
i have the ultimate Savior.
the ultimate Lover...
but i still cry.
about things, i cannot speak about...
or at least,
i want to but i cannot.
because people are judgmental.
of all these, only 3 will remain.
hope, faith, love.
and the greatest of these is Love.
who can i talk to about...
so what if
im so stuffed and bleeding inside...
and so scared.
im shivering in the cold,
drenched in the rain
inside me...
theres this candle i hold..
gripped tightly between my fingers.
undaunted by the wind and rain...
keeping me warm.
i pray to this flame, to keep me safe.
that everything will be alright soon.
that all these pain im suffering... is just temporary.
the flame let me cry on it...
scream my heart out on it...
find comfort in it.
keep me warm.
but
but...
the flame has other plans....
its not taking away my pain... torture
anguish.
i find priority in my life,
A levels.
to take my eyes of the pain.
to know that this exam is more important...
even as im writing this,
there is so much i want to say.
and things that are taking place even now...
that bring the tears that's whelming up in my eyes.
and i down into loud asounding tunes
so i wont hear them.
lest i cannot control myself anymore....
yet i try to share my sorrows on this blog.
but with myself.
and yet there's so much i cannot say....
and i can only pray.
O for a love that knows no end,A love that is strong and pure,Reaching afar to both foe and friend,So deep it will always endure. —R. De Haan
Love enables us to walk fearlessly, to run confidently, and to live victoriously.
Thursday, August 07, 2008
fingerprints
living it. =)
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
shit
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
do i sound like a gay partner to u?
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
lol.
My Generation says:
ahahhahahhahs
My Generation says:
no worries i have lots of gay partners=)
My Generation says:
hyou could be one of them
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
yea man
My Generation says:
lol
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
u do
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
i dun wan to
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
but actually
My Generation says:
LOL!
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
no target at the moment la
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
so still can
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
im still available
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
u want?
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
lol
My Generation says:
AHAHAHHAHAHA
My Generation says:
you bet man
hmmmmmm=.=
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
shit
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
do i sound like a gay partner to u?
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
lol.
My Generation says:
ahahhahahhahs
My Generation says:
no worries i have lots of gay partners=)
My Generation says:
hyou could be one of them
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
yea man
My Generation says:
lol
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
u do
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
i dun wan to
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
but actually
My Generation says:
LOL!
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
no target at the moment la
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
so still can
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
im still available
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
u want?
; jh ~ [nykrt] a twist of fate. says:
lol
My Generation says:
AHAHAHHAHAHA
My Generation says:
you bet man
hmmmmmm=.=
Sunday, August 03, 2008
For the Cause.
i went for FOP today again. well, i wanted to experienced it all over again. today's message was powerful, invoking and dynamic. 3 nights dedicated to praise and worship. peifen told me that yesterday night was an ovational phenomenon.
the giantic chior (overwhelming the mikes) and the towering chorus of voices.
voices as one body, echoing the whole stadium, rocking the whole place, swaying and shaking the quietness of even the outside night. Singing our lives wholly to God! Surrendering our hearts to God.
i could feel it. the extraordinary majestic presence tingling all around me. i felt like i was lifted!
carried and completed! nothing could be any more awesome than that.
when i close my eyes i can still picture it. seeping through my skin, enveloping my heart and soul. it still lingers. breathtaking. lovers of God all around! everyone on fire for Him! singing! shouting! praying! praising! as One Body of Christ! as the Church of God! as a Family!
Magnificent. Spectacular.
Ok. i wanted to blog about the message but maybe next week. im supposed to bathe and sleep already. mmm the excitment's not down yet. oh wells. starting school again.haiz. jiayou everyone!
lets all face the new week with God together!=)
the giantic chior (overwhelming the mikes) and the towering chorus of voices.
voices as one body, echoing the whole stadium, rocking the whole place, swaying and shaking the quietness of even the outside night. Singing our lives wholly to God! Surrendering our hearts to God.
i could feel it. the extraordinary majestic presence tingling all around me. i felt like i was lifted!
carried and completed! nothing could be any more awesome than that.
when i close my eyes i can still picture it. seeping through my skin, enveloping my heart and soul. it still lingers. breathtaking. lovers of God all around! everyone on fire for Him! singing! shouting! praying! praising! as One Body of Christ! as the Church of God! as a Family!
Magnificent. Spectacular.
Ok. i wanted to blog about the message but maybe next week. im supposed to bathe and sleep already. mmm the excitment's not down yet. oh wells. starting school again.haiz. jiayou everyone!
lets all face the new week with God together!=)
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Awe.
There,
A Thousand Hearts Singing
A Thousand Voices Glorifying
A Thousand Hands Lifted up
A Thousand of Your children on FIRE for You, Lord!
It was earth shattering.
Empowering,
The Holy Spirit was in our presence!
Captivating, filling us with Thy Love.
Brothers and Sisters
Undescribable.
Nonthing was more important and just
SINGING AND PRAISING AND WORSHIPPING AND... AND
we just want to love you back oh Lord...
we just want to give you all the Glory,
our ALL.
We, as a body of the Living Chirst!
how moved, how stoked!
it was EUPHORIA!
the pre-taste of Heaven!
You are the Mighty One True God.
and there is No Other.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Twin
Well, the books probably have gotten to my head. I'm getting a little restless already.
Maybe i'm the kind who gets envious of others easily. Others better than me.
More successful. Better. Or so it seems.
Why couldn't i be like them? Haven't i worked enough? Haven't i? Or am i just destined to be the inferior.
What's up with me today? Not that i've been nonchalent about me being the less. Not that i haven't already realised?
Talk about living-satisfied. Looks like i'm just too human. Competitive. Greedy. Hungry. Hungry.
Always this insatiable hunger. Lust for the more.
Disgusting aint it? Dirty and ugly and condemned.
Abhorred by the good but celebrated by the Nations.
Who doesn't want to be better? To be honest i started writing this after reading about the close friendship that this particular group of boys shared. Well, it wasn't exactly about their brethen bonds but i interpreted it. It was a co-owned blog by the 4 boys.
Didn't i share such brotherhood to? Did i? Had i not belong to such a clique? I could take comfort that i belong to the family of Christ, but i must admit i yearn for brotherly companionship. Someone whom i know is my best friend...
Because i don't have one.... Not anymore, since probably the year before. Who would hear? Who would know? Its just me right? Am i. Unworthy of even this.
Why brother then? What about female counterparts? I beseech myself to avoid whipping of tongues i guess.
Maybe i'm just feeling lonely. Maybe i just wanted to be lonely.
Maybe i'm the kind who gets envious of others easily. Others better than me.
More successful. Better. Or so it seems.
Why couldn't i be like them? Haven't i worked enough? Haven't i? Or am i just destined to be the inferior.
What's up with me today? Not that i've been nonchalent about me being the less. Not that i haven't already realised?
Talk about living-satisfied. Looks like i'm just too human. Competitive. Greedy. Hungry. Hungry.
Always this insatiable hunger. Lust for the more.
Disgusting aint it? Dirty and ugly and condemned.
Abhorred by the good but celebrated by the Nations.
Who doesn't want to be better? To be honest i started writing this after reading about the close friendship that this particular group of boys shared. Well, it wasn't exactly about their brethen bonds but i interpreted it. It was a co-owned blog by the 4 boys.
Didn't i share such brotherhood to? Did i? Had i not belong to such a clique? I could take comfort that i belong to the family of Christ, but i must admit i yearn for brotherly companionship. Someone whom i know is my best friend...
Because i don't have one.... Not anymore, since probably the year before. Who would hear? Who would know? Its just me right? Am i. Unworthy of even this.
Why brother then? What about female counterparts? I beseech myself to avoid whipping of tongues i guess.
Maybe i'm just feeling lonely. Maybe i just wanted to be lonely.
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